In a rather ugly, former bank building on the corner of 27th and Vliet Street in Milwaukee, on the second floor, back in the northwest corner, on a stage once used as part of a recording studio, back between the soundproofing foam and the wall, there is a smallish piece of paper. On the paper is a drawing of a girl and the words, "Ingrid Eliason, age 8", and the words that went something like, "If anyone finds this in the future, I was here."
I executed my drawing and drafted my note one night down at that building that once housed radio and recording studios for WVCY-FM 107.7. I grew up in that building. I still remember doing it, and wondering who, if anyone, might come across my note in the future. In my childish mind, it was a way of saying, "This is who I am, I was here, and I want you to know that."
My grandmother told me once that her mother always used to tell her daughters, "Make yourselves of consequence!", while they were at home. She meant, "Don't stand around idling, do something of value!" I have thought about this. She didn't mean, "Make a name for yourselves, and become famous," but rather, "You're here. Make yourself of value."
I have always wanted to have a life that mattered. I wanted to know that my existence wasn't just...existing. As a Christian, I want my life to be of eternal AND temporal value. What I mean is that I want to be of use now, and I want to have an impact on eternity by my service to the Lord in some capacity.
But sometimes, I really doubt that I do matter in those ways. If we're honest, we see our failures and defeats in bold relief. I see myself as useless some days, a story of defeats and missed targets . As I get older (and older), I often ask myself, "What was your point here?" I often feel this when I write on this small blog. But then I remember some helpful things.
How or when we impact other lives is something God dictates when we belong to Him. We may have ideas about how we would like to be used by the Lord, but the Lord is the One who decides how best to use us. In Protestant evangelicalism, there has been much emphasis in doing big, sweeping things, bold moves and achieving great personal goals and success...for Jesus, of course. At least that is the cover story.
I have to say after decades in Christian media ministry and seeing the behind the scenes sad reality of so many others, this idea has led to corruption, some of which makes its way out to the secular news headlines. There is too much ministry idolatry, personalities that become "too big to fail", until they do. Too much, "I, me and my" involved, when you scrape back the faux, self-abasing, spiritually-approved rhetoric.
Mixing in the humanistic idea of going big for God, growing your personal "ministry" brand, etc., is as far removed as it could possibly be from Christ's call to "Deny yourself, take up your cross" and follow Him. The Son of God was not out with his handlers, promoting his "brand." He didn't try to live His best life, develop His skill set and build a gleaming paradise on earth. He didn't even have a home, and was killed at age 33.
As believers in the risen Christ, yes, we are here, in this time, at this place on earth where God has placed us. We should want to be of consequence, but not for ourselves. Not to make a big name. Not to have a massive influence. We are here as servants of the Most High God. We advance His name, we build His Kingdom, we are His hands and feet, and our heart is touched with His compassion. We do so at His behest, not according to a careerist mindset of personal development and achievement. Truth be told, God often breaks us before we are even useful to Him.
Many years have gone by, and the note I wrote as a child is likely still in that wall. I would write my note this way today: "Ingrid was here. If anyone reads this note, know that I live, and move, and have my being in Jesus Christ. I want to reflect His love and forgiveness in whatever time I have left. Do you know my Savior?"
The story of Amy Carmichael has been an encouragement to so many. In her illness, after she went to India and opened orphanages, she lay in bed often wondering about her usefulness. Yet on that sick bed, she wrote things that all these years later are a tremendous blessing to believers who have come after her. Read this short page to get an example of her quotes.
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